But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.” (John 6:27 NLT)

I am struggling with the courage to let go of what causes me to feel secure and live the life I truly desire. God make me wise and courageous.

Painful Sacrifices

Ezra 9-10 gives an account, of a point in Israel's renewal of their commitment to follow God and His commands where they were forced to choose between God and their families. I think we’d be unrealistic to think that this was not a difficult and painful experience. They were as human as we are and felt love and compassion as much as we. While it is true that this historical event and the law of God that dictated it are "Old Testament" that in no way negates its importance, significance and the principle set for us to follow.

If I were to have to choose between my family and following God it would rip my heart out. From one perspective it may seem a very cruel thing for God to dictate and if I did not know God and his character as I do I might agree with you. Yet for some it is a choice they have to make. One I do not fully understand. I wrestle with understanding it all but Scripture is pretty clear that homosexuality is a "sin" and while it is not the only sin in the world it bears a unique burden to its prisoner.

It feels very personal to one who feels such strong attraction to those of their same sex, to call this sin. I would imagine it feeling something akin to people saying it was a sin to have a right arm and demand that you chop it off to be able to please God. Why would a loving God demand that we live contrary to something that seems so natural. Then to top that all off the adult that is in a committed relationship with years of history and perhaps children there is the extreme of having to walk away from that. The thought of that pain breaks my heart.

What I know of God causes me to believe that it hurts him too but because he knows that the end justifies the means and this too is for your good he holds firm to his command. I know that the times I had to watch my children suffer through a painful surgery or other medical treatment I wanted so much to protect them from that experience. In the end though my greatest desire was for their long term health and good. So the pain had to be experienced and endured for the sake of the end result. The Jewish historian Josephus wrote in his account of the events recorded in Ezra in Book XI: great many of the posterity of Jeshua the high priest, and of the priests and Levites, and Israelites, who had a greater regard to the observation of the law than to their natural affection, and immediately cast out their wives, and the children which were born of them." I cannot deny the severity of God's commands nor can I deny the love and wisdom that authored those commands. So in the end the decision must be made: Do you/I trust God?

The more you know God the easier it is to trust Him but for every step deeper into our relationship with him a new level of trust is needed. Take it step by step. But don't turn back and don't hold anything back. Even those things and people that are the most important to you. As painful as it is the results are priceless.

Teacher/Learner

I imagine this is a common phenomenon when a teacher prepares a lesson only to be schooled by that lesson? My pastor handed me a book to use for the next 7 weeks to teach a group of middle school kids called "Deadly Viper, Character Assasins". We started today and had some great discussion about how little things, small decisions chip away at our character leading us, often, to a place we thought we'd never be. Looking forward to our next conversation I began reading and thinking about honesty.

Well actually the opposite is true; I began thinking about lying. People lie. I lie. We lie for a number of reasons but the base reason is to cover or hide some truth that is uncomfortable for us to admit or confront. I am amazed as I think about the number of times I've lied without even thinking and for really no significant reason, then what do you do? Admit that you lied? Keep going? Is it really important? Sure it is important when you talking about "big" things like cheating on your spouse or seeing who stole the cell phone etc. but what about the little things like the nod in a conversation that says you know something you don't really know or the slight exaggeration that makes a story more interesting. I didn't intend to say that or imply this but I did, so now do I lie on purpose to keep from embarrassing myself or do I come clean? I want to have a trustworthy character, which shows greater character? Even if no one ever found out that I lied where does this compromise lead?

Honesty isn't just about what I say or imply. What I don't say or admit can be just as damaging. The authors of this book point out that it is vital to my character that I have someone I can and WILL be totally open and honest with about my struggles, my thoughts and my temptations. The truth will set me free. I know from experience that I have to tell someone (usually Gary) when I am fighting against destructive thoughts and when I do I take their power over me away. The same is true about other stuff but I frequently find myself "hiding" some weakness only to have it bite me later. Why do I do this? I could give you all kinds of excuses but the truth is a mixture of fear, denial and laziness. I'm afraid to face my "demons" or admit them to anyone; I deny the depth of my need for an honest friend and I don't put out the effort needed to foster that friendship. I am very aware of the evil that lurks in the shadows of dishonesty. I think I am being given a warning today, another gracious reminder from my loving Father of what is good for me and my mind is echoing with the Scripture: "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. "(James 4:17 ESV) Sigh. It looks like I have some work to do.